Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: July 2011
For the second short story contest on the wiki, the story idea is: *'Write a short story (less than 2000 words) about The Ginyu Force, at any point in time before they were introduced in Dragon Ball Z. Feel free to expand on any and all members of the force in any way you see fit.' *'To see the other rules of this contest, visit this page.' *'The winner of this contest will receive a special prize.' *'Please post your submission for this contest directly on this page, and denote which one is yours by a property tag, done by typing .' *'Please do not add pictures to the submission, as it will only clutter the page.' *'The due date for submissions is July 30th.' *'Have fun and good luck!' Wittle Cwy-Babies: Notice: SonikFan112 told me I could post a humor story. Guldo and Captain Ginyu are on Frieza's spaceship in 754 Age. "Pleeeeeease can I join?! Please please please?" Guldo said, with extreme desperation. "Well, since you said please... NO! The Ginyu Force is for ruthless bastards, not for wee-wittle cwy-babies!" Captain Ginyu said, mocking Guldo's attempts for begging. "Buuuuuuut whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Guldo said, in a shameful, failed attempt at acting grown. "Why can't I join?! Look, I can levitate things!" Guldo then had full control of Captain Ginyu's right arm, and made him slap himself in his face, like a bitchy little girl. "Aw... how amaaazing!" Ginyu sarcastically said. "Look, when you can tu- Ah, crap! I'm gonna be late for my horn-manicure!" He said, louder and manlier than usual. "Ginyu gets manicures? Ha!" Guldo quietly said to himself. "Saaaaaaaaaay, Ginyu. I can freeze time for ya, if ya lemme on the team." Guldo bribed Ginyu. "Really?" Ginyu said, dumbstruck. "You can do that?! Wow! Wait 'till Lord Frieza finds out about your special ability!" Ginyu said, praising Guldo like a little girl would do a pop star. After Guldo brought Ginyu to his manicurist, the captain brought him to Frieza. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeell? Can I join?" Guldo said, impatiently. "Hmm... he could be useful and war, and in bringing me to my manicurist. Alright, the little ugly duckling can be apart of the Ginyu Force." Frieza said, even more manly than Captain Ginyu. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! This is the best day of my life!" Guldo said, jumping with his hands in the air. THE END! Word Count: 249, 251 if 'The End!' counts. Writing Quality: |10 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |2 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |5 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |6 out of 30| Final Score: 23/100 This story is pretty much terrible. It's really not funny, and all of the "jokes" are based off of all of the members of the Ginyu Force being bitchy or something about Captain Ginyu's manicures. It's just the same two jokes repeated over and over again. So, to sum it up, I didn't like it and it's not funny. Before the Arrival Captain Ginyu, Jeice, Burter, Recoome, and Guldo are on an unknown planet building a spaceship. "Gentlemen," Captain Ginyu announced, "Frieza said that we will be heading for Namek. In the meantime, let us discuss plans." Recoome, confused, asked, "What kind of plans, Captain?" Captain Ginyu rolled his eyes and then facepalmed. "Like, who's going to strike first, where each member is going to go, and who we'll be going with." Recoome looked at Guldo, Guldo looked at Jeice, and Jeice and Burter looked at each other. Jeice spoke up. "I am the Red Magma of this group, and Burter is the Blue Hurricane. Together, we are the Purple Comet. We must be a group." Burter nodded his head in agreement. Captain Ginyu thought for a second. "Jeice, I am impressed with your thinking. Yes, you and Burter can work together. That leaves me, Guldo, and Recoome." Guldo looked at Captain Ginyu and got on his small knees. He clasped his hands and looked up at the purple captain in desperation. "Sir, you can't put me on a team with Recoome. I am weak compared to most people, and Recoome teases me about it. You can't pair me up with him!" Recoome punched Guldo in his face. "But without me, there's no one to protect you, so I suggest you are paired up with me!" Captain Ginyu broke up their scuffle. "It is obvious that you two are incompatible. Pairing you two up would be stupid, and our goal is to go to Namek so that Frieza can find his way to Namek, remember? So Recoome, you and Guldo will be by yourselves." Recoome was curious about something, though. "But Captain, who will you be with?" Captain Ginyu already had this thought of. "I will be by myself. I am the strongest, I don't need a weakling keeping me down. So we're better off if we split up after our first strike." Jeice and Burter looked at each other, than at Guldo and Recoome, then at Ginyu. "First strike?" Burter asked. "So will we all be together at first?" "Yes and no." Captain Ginyu explained. "I will be by myself, but then Jeice, Burter, Recoome, Guldo, you guys will be together until I give you the signal." He looked at the spaceship and realized that it wasn't even close to being completed. "Oh great, we need to start building this ship fast!" Captain Ginyu explained. "Hurry, grab pieces, put them up, there's no time to waste!" Jeice, Burter, Recoome, and Guldo did their team pose, and then got to building. "Burter, help me with this large piece!" Jeice commanded. "Recoome, I'm not strong enough to lift this one!" Guldo whined, struggling to lift a small piece of the ship. Soon, the ship was halfway finished and every member of the Ginyu force besides Captain Ginyu himself was tired. "Come on, guys, you can work harder than this!" Captain Ginyu admonished. Recoome sat down. "But Captain, sir, I must have a breather! We've been working for the last two hours, we need a break!" Guldo, Jeice, and Burter sat down with him. They all complained about being tired and needing a break. "All right, but if we're going to have a break, we need to spend it on planning. So I have decided our ranks, everyone listen up." Captain Ginyu explained. Everyone stood up and listened. "Okay, so our weakest member is Guldo." Guldo, shocked, jumped and walked back. "B-but how?!" Captain Ginyu kept a stern face. "First one tired, only one who can't pick up a small metal piece, you're the first on the chopping block." Guldo nodded, keeping an anxious expression. "Next one is Recoome." Recoome's eyes widened. "But Captain Ginyu! I named all of my attacks after me! And my Recoome Eraser Gun is one of the strongest attacks ever! Please, Ginyu, put me higher! At least put me above Burter!" Captain Ginyu shook his head. "I'm sorry, but the Eraser Cannon is one of the weakest finishing moves I know of. Also, you're a bit of an idiot." Recoome began to tear up. "Please, Captain Ginyu! Don't rank me below Jeice and Burter! Please, don't! And I'm not an idiot, I'm just not as smart as most people! And I'm smarter than some people! Please, Captain Ginyu!" Recoome was weeping in front of Captain Ginyu, you didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Captain Ginyu ignored Recoome's tears. "I can't, Recoome. Crying won't help you one bit. Next, Jeice and Burter are of equal strength." Jeice and Burter were proud of being stronger than Recoome and Guldo. "Thank you, Captain!" Jeice said proudly, doing his famous Ginyu Force pose. "Yes, thank you!" Burter said, also doing his famous Ginyu Force pose. Captain Ginyu looked back at the spaceship. "We need to get back to building. Everyone, go!" Guldo, Jeice, and Burter began building, but Recoome just sat there still crying. "Recoome! Stop being a little baby!" Captain Ginyu scolded. "If you want to prove yourself, you'll need to be stronger. Look, Guldo's weaker than you and he's still building, I say you accept your place and build!" Recoome nodded and began his work. It took forever, but the spaceship was finally finished. "Okay, Ginyu Force, we shall head for Namek. This is your last chance to stay or go." Guldo posed. "Going!" Jeice and Burter did their dual pose. "We're going!" They said simultaneously. Recoome still was thinking. "I don't know..." Jeice smacked Recoome's face. "Just go!" Recoome remembered wanting to prove himself, so he posed and quickly regained confidence. "I'll go!" Captain Ginyu smiled. "Okay, good. Everyone is going. To the ship!" The Ginyu Force boarded their ship and began their trip to Namek. THE END! Word Count: 957, 959 if you count THE END! 23:26, July 4, 2011 (UTC) Writing Quality: |15 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |12 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |17 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |10 out of 30| Final Score: 54/100 I would call this story, at best, decent. It's not terrible, like most other fics in this contest, but I wouldn't say it's good. I do like the style of writing here, but the writing was a little bland and it occasionally lacked explanation. Still, I doubt this isn't going to win. So, to sum it up, I thought it was good in some parts, but the writing was kinda bland. Recruitment The Ginyu Force was not always called The Ginyu Force. At one point in time, they were Squad 9,341, under Squadron Leader Ginyu. There were 4 other members, ''Ripple, Pome, Viktor and Cilan. There power levels were quite low, even Ginyu's which was only 8, 500 and was the lowest. Once, Lord Frieza ordered their squadron to go on an extremely dangerous mission. That is where our story begins...''' Writing Quality: |2 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |1 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |4 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |2 out of 30| Final Score: 9/100 This is simply a story that SSG started, but never finished. I wouldn't call it a story, I would call it an abandoned project. It's just really bad. So, to sum it up, this is nothing more than an abandoned project. The Battle "A little to the right!!" "AW MAN I MISSED!" "Haha! Got you Recoome!" "SHUT UP!!" Frieza walked into the room. "Um, Ginyu, what are you and your team doing?" Ginyu quickly shut off the Zcube7800. "Um...vision training, Lord Frieza." "...Whatever. You have an important mission that I need you to go on." Said Frieza. Recoome stood up. "Aw man! We just like, got back from the last one!" Frieza walked over to the now-shuddering Reccome. "Are you questioning my authority, Mr. Recoome?" "N-n-n-n-n-n-NO, Lord F-F-F-F-Frieza, s-s-s-s-s-sir!!" Frieza smiled. "That's what I thought." "Anyway, your mission is do exterminate all life on planet Mukk. I would've sent Zarbon or Dodoria, but the locals are too potent." Jeice whispered to the surprised Captain Ginyu, "Isn't that the planet where Papya was born??" The fifth member of the team stood up. "B-but Lord Frieza! That's MY home planet!!! I can't do it! I won't!" Frieza turned to face the Mukkian. "Oh, is that so?" With a burst of speed and a flash of light, Papya was gone. The four remaining members of the Ginyu Force stared wide-eyed at Frieza. "Oh, don't worry. You can still do your silly poses. In fact, I figured that Papya wasn't going to be tolerable anyway. I've brought you a new member." A short, four-eyed, green man stepped into the room. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Guldo." THE END 240 words exactly. Writing Quality: |10 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |5 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |15 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |5 out of 30| Final Score: 35/100 This really isn't a good story. It doesn't have much of a plot, and I feel the introduction of the Mukkian could be ALOT better. It happens really quickly, and you don't develop the character before just killing him off, which makes his death entirely pointless because I have no idea who he is. So, to sum it up, I think it could be alot better. Teen Ginyu The Ginyu Force met in high school and became very popular and cool. Ginyu-Hey guys Recoome-Hi Ginyu, how ya doin' Ginyu-Good, sniff, eww, Guildo, you reek Guildo-I just had a burrito for breakfest Burter-Cough, what was in it Guildo-Red Pepper, Spicy Pepper, Onion, and Garlic Ginyu-Well, go swallow 9,000 bars of soap After he swallowed 9,000 bars of soap Guido-Now i'm all fat, whoa oof Burter-Haha, you fell, fatty Guido-Aww Guido trapped Burter with his pshychic move Jeice-Chill Guido-You're with Burter now and you'll die, whoa, oof Jeice-Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha Ginyu-SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!!! Recoome-Ooh we should make a group called the Ginyu Group and get a girl to join Guildo-Hahaha, you stupid Burter-That soap affected your brain Guildo-What's brain Freiza-Guildo, please report to the princable's office After Burter helped Guildo get to the office Frieza-Your grades are the best in the entire school and therefore you are... Guildo-Waa, waa, waa waa.. Frieza-Guildo Guildo-Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! Frieza-Guildo, whats wrong?! Guildo-I don't have any Chocolate Frieza-Chocolate, did you just say chocolate Guildo-Mr. Princable guy? Frieza-Well, I heard about your Ginyu Group and when we get older you can be my right hand group Guido-Okay, hey i'm not stupid anymore Ginyu-What was it about Guildo-We'll be his top team when where older Recoome-Awesome and your back to normal, but your still fat Guildo-Never call me fat again Recoome-Okay, you want some chocolate Guildo-Ooh yes Ginyu-Hey I got some newgit Guildo-I want that to Burter-I got some Twix Guildo-I want it Jeice-I got some Dark Chocalate, here Guildo Guildo-Thanks 292 words exactly Writing Quality: |2 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |1 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |4 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |1 out of 30| Final Score: 8 This fic is absolutely atrocious. This is just another example of "using the humor template to write whatever the who dandly you want". The actual "humor" is terrible, and the spelling and grammar are abysmal. So, to sum it up, I fucking hated this story. Ginyu Force: The Start In Planet Frieza 09, Lieutenant Ginyu is flying back from a mission, right now he is heading to Frieza. At Frieza's Office, Zarbon, Dodoria and Frieza are discussing something. "I tell you, Ginyu will not make it back!" shouted Frieza. "Lord Frieza what is this about?" asked Zarbon. "Me and Dodoria made a bet that if Lietenant Ginyu will make it back." answered Frieza. "He will make it, he took members from your brother, killed Imeckians, you have to believe in him." replied Dodoria. "He will not-" said Frieza interuppted by Ginyu. As Ginyu walks in the Office Frieza gets angry and gives Dodoria a coin. "Lieutenant, was the mission a sucsess?" asked Frieza. "Yes Lord Frieza." answered Ginyu. "For your reward I'm making you a Captain and you get your own force." said Frieza. Ginyu started to get happy after Frieza made him a Captain. Ginyu spends all day at night making posters. The next day, 4 people appear, a green short guy, a blue tall guy, a musculy guy and red guy. Ginyu points to the blue guy. "What is your name?" asked Ginyu. "I'm Burter, the fastest in the universe!" shouted Burter. "Let's see how fast you are!" shouted Ginyu. Burter flies up to Ginyu kicking him, pushing him to Vegeta's bedroom. "Sorry Vegeta." said Ginyu. A reluclant Kid Vegeta wakes up after the crash. "Good, your lucky I can't go Super Saiyan." said Vegeta. Ginyu stands up, he shakes Burter's hand. "Alright, I don't want this to go on forever so just fire a blast at me." said Ginyu. The whole people who auditioned fired a blast at Ginyu and Ginyu fired a blast causing a large explosion. "Your guys are in!" shouted Ginyu. "We shall be called Ginyu Force." said the musculy guy. "Oh yeah, we forgot to introdouce ourselves." said the red guy. "Alright then." said Ginyu. "I'm Jeice." said the red guy. "I'm Guldo" said the green short one. "I'm Reecome." said the musculy guy. "So Ginyu Force, we'll do a pose tommorow." said Ginyu. So thats how the Ginyu Force formed. Number of words: 344 Writing Quality: |5 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |3 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |8 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |4 out of 30| Final Score: 20 This fic is really bad. The spelling and grammar are awful, it's a giant wall of text, and the plot is really bad. It seemed like the author had an idea at first, but rushed to finish it. So, to sum it up, I think it could be alot better. Becoming Captain Ginyu was walking in the streets of Antartica when Frieza saw him and saw he was gorgeus so he made him captain. '''The End!!! ' Writing Quality: |0 out of 30| Entertainment Value: |0 out of 20| Relation to Core Idea: |0 out of 20| Quality of Plot: |0 out of 30| Final Score: 0/100 Fucking garbage! And the winner is: ParaGoomba348! Congratulations, you have won a picture of a frog I drew while my eyes were closed. Category:Community Category:Dragon Ball Fanon Category:Ultimate avatar Category:Fan Fiction